It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
