community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
