I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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