the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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