I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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