he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
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