Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
