Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
