Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Randomize