I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
