My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize
