really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Randomize
