I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
