it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I just gargled with NyQuil
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
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