I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
