Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
