yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
wanna go halves on a baby?
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
