why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
My liver just had a heart attack.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
