Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
