My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
