Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
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