it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
