Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Randomize
