I want you more than these girls want KFC
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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