He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Also, beer. Big fan.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
