I want to walk on stilts...naked
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
