so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
