I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
