didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
