the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
