remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
