to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
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