I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
