Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
being pregnant is like rehab
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Randomize
