Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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