aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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