STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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