My hand turned me down
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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