Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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