It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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