Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
I'm having to shit out rocks
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