The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I just gargled with NyQuil
Randomize
