Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
