I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
