Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
