I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
