if i died would you start the facebook group?
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
