i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
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