all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Randomize
