So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
