what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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