she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
