after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
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