I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
