she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
