My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
