we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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