He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Randomize
