Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
