He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
