I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
