Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I just got carded by a ten year old.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
