I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Randomize
