at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
