apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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