His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
My underwear smells like fireworks.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
